I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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