I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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