the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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