turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sarcasm needs its own font
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
