Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
