i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
