I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
