Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
