Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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