I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
