I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
