I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
