Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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