I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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