I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
