...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
no, he came in my armpit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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