We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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