so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
