Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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