I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
