This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
