he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
