Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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