She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They took my balls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
