That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
