I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
