if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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