i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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