it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
