I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
