it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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