imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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