Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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