why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
