even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
