well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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