I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
