If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
