Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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