I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
