I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
