I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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