May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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