i was born a porn star she said
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
