I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have post one night stand depression
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
