All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
