pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
