at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
