Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
