I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
